it's late. i have to get up early and go back to work tommorow after a 4 day vacation. not a good thing. even as much as i love my job. dude... now this all lowercase bug has caught me.

so... generally... webcam people frighten me... but there ARE a few that I can't help but go back to over and over. usually those are sites with artists or... something. generally charming people. i think there are like... 3...

ariel - she's cool. i don't know what it is. her dirty sense of design which i love so dearly (maybe because i'm inclined to it as well), or the great sketches and poems. the velvet handcuffs thing made me sigh out loud. it's like those refigerator magnets... only with better words. plus she clues me into crazy cool mp3s... like miranda july...

lauren and sean - i count these as one only because they're married. she's just charming. he's just cool. his url evades my memory at the moment. like, nerdotcom.com... or something... yea, they're proud to be nerds. which is so endearing. plus lauren always has html/java/cgi/dhtml/whatever tricks up her sleave. i dig it.

aimee - she likes radiohead and she makes these cool archaic designs on notepaper, what can i say? i love it. plus, she reminds me of good friends from back home. the only people i miss from there...

usually, i'd stay away from linking webcam sites, because they're always littered with fans... and i might be construed as one. i'm not a fan. i hate fans. please don't be a fan. i like things and things inspire me. people inspire me. but i'm not a fan... err anyway, i link to these because they do inspire.

thank you, good night. i'm retarded. i go to bed.

Shenmue. I finished it tuesday night. It took me about a week. So much for the huge epic.



I did enjoy it though. The story really wasn't too bad. Some of it was interesting. For some reason driving the forklift was my favorite part. There weren't that many real time fights though... which, considering the fighting engine sucked donkeys nuts, wasn't too much of a dissapointment.



Some of the voice acting was just bad. Really bad. I'm sure they just grabbed a few people out of the marketing department for the small bits... even then, I couldn't believe anyone could actually be that bad... but luckily it WAS only the small parts that sucked. The lead, Ryo, was pretty good. Nazomi... she was a bit annoying at times. She always seemed desperate. Granted Ryo could be a dick when dealing with the fact that she had it bad for him, but really, she needed to lighten up.



The story got me interested enough to want to pick up the next chapter when it comes out. It was a little on the cliche hong kong action flick storyline side... but it held together pretty nicely. There are supposed to be 16 chapters... I don't know if I believe they'll actually make 16 chapters...



Oh, and all the little extras are total fanservice. I laughed out loud when I went to one of the toy machines and it spit out a Ristar figure... what the fuck? Heh... The mini-games were cool too. The full versions of Hang On and Space Harrier were in the arcade. They also had a game of darts... which... I got addicted to at one point in the game.



Sega has been releasing a ton of pretty good games lately. Shenmue, Jet Grind Radio, Ferrari F355, Grandia 2, and Skies of Arcadia. I just got Skies of Arcadia... it seems alright so far... but not that great. I need to pick up Grandia...

[note added november 6, 2002: wow, okay, please don't hold this against me. i certainly don't feel this way now and haven't for a long while. it wasn't long after i made this post that i realized how bad it was. i like girls. i'm not bitter with them. like i said in the comments, i was mostly bitter with being consistently rejected. anyway, disregard any generalization i make about any women in this post. please.]

I was talking to a friend the other day and he said that I have some sort of bitterness towards women right now... and I realized that, yes, I do in fact have bitterness towards women. I guess it's not really fair to have a general bitterness towards all women... I think it's just LA girls. Women here all want to be fooled. They want to find a guy that dresses nice and talks smooth. Or they want the guy that's mysterious and dark. They want the extraordinary. I don't do that. I dress like a beach bum and I talk like a 21 year old kid. I'm really normal. I can be boring sometimes... and fuck you, I won't stop.



I know all these guys who women think are perfect. When we hang out they wear sweats and and look at pictures of beautiful women all day. We call women crazy because they are, in fact, crazy. Oh, and we fart too. A lot. I don't know these superhuman guys women are looking for. They don't exist. Which is a good thing. If they'd only stop to think about it. Humans are attracted to humans, not superheros. All guys are normal, and can be boring... it's bound to happen.



They hate that. They want to be fooled. They want a guy who'll talk a whole load of bullshit in their ear and tell them that they're the most incredible woman they've ever met... gimme a break.



The biggest thing about the human population that pisses me off is that they confuse being miserable with being in love. Like suffering with someone else means "I love you"... Hello? Can I shoot you? Or even the unspoken belief that time measures love. Well, if you're together for 6 months you must be in love. That's just the way it works, right? Good lord. I hate people.



And don't think I'm trying to save anyone. I only mention it because I deal with it every fucking day. It gets in the way of my life. Does that sound selfish? Does hating having to sit through fight after fight between two people about things that have nothing to do with me sound selfish? I'm trying to live here. Sometimes I just wish people would stay the fuck away from me.



Life is just one big catch 22. I'd like to have people around. I'd like to have some sort of communication. But not bullshit communication. No more of this trying to impress everyone. I'm an idiot! I'd just like you to know that before you meet me. I know you're an idiot too. Don't try to fool me. I won't expect more if you don't.



You can't always get what you want. The Stones were right I guess. But I never play the ball as it lies. I have to move it. I can't just accept anything. Nothing ever has to be the way they say it does. "C'est la vie"... fuck that.



But all of this is probably the reason I'm sitting here alone on Thanksgiving. I'm too abrasive. Too independent. Too quiet. Well, I don't want any of you anyway.



I want to go away. Someone give me a job in antarctica please. I don't fit in here.

Turns out this cold i've had turned into a sinus infection...



So... uhh... Right now I've got; Duncan Sheik, Semisonic and Foo Fighters in my CD player... which is probably a mistake. Those are all albums I sing along with really loudy when no one is around. It's like I can't help it. But my throat and this virus hates me for it. It's like, "Fuck you dude" and it makes me sing like a pre-pubescent wuss. Which I guess I already do... but like, even more so now. So I'm probably just prolonging this sickness even further...



I don't really have anything socially redeeming to type. I'm messed up, what can I say? I'm even gonna go to work tommorow, no matter how bad I feel. I'd rather be there than sitting at home all day.



Oh gack... I need to brush my teeth... Good Lord... Y'know, there are always benefits AND drawbacks to everything. Sleeping for 2 days straight has the benefit of, well, sleeping for 2 days straight... but it makes every part of your body feel like a bucket o grease...



There... that was redeeming, right? No, I guess it wasn't. Oh, woe is me... I'm socially useless.

This is my text. Thank you for being so cold.



I like my wacom tablet. I like Jet Grind Radio, Ferrari F355, Tony Hawk 2, and incidentally, my dreamcast. I like Extra "bubble gum" flavored gum... even though it says "long lasting" on the packaging, and It's clearly not. I was addicted to altoids at one point, now I just kinda chew on them every once in awhile. I really liked the movie 28 days... and not just because I think Sandra Bullock is the sweetest thing since strawberry jam. I like DVD's a lot. Video Tapes scare me now. I got a DVD today called i married a strange person. I haven't watched it yet, but it's a film by Bill Plympton... So there is hope... I like to go out with people... i do. But at the same time, I hate to go out with people. There are only certain people I like to hang around with, and they usually are not averse to making fun of eachother on a regular basis. As strange as it may sound, only a friend would call me an idiot... Well, I guess anyone could call me an idiot... but only a friend would help me be less of one... I don't like being a guy. I don't like having the responsibility of first contact on my head. I have too many things running through my brain. Too many things that prevent me from trying to impress someone. I can't do it. I won't impress. Talk to me and don't try to impress me. I'll like you... probably. Not that you have to. It would just be nice for a change...

I'm so not cool. It's not even funny. GOD...



On a similiar note, I just saw Almost Famous (yah, i know, crucify me for being a late bloomer) and I loved it. mal was right. mal is always right...



speaking of mal, here are my top five favorite mal songs:



1. mi

2. 21

3. half of forever (newest)

4. give in (newest)

5. how to be (first version)



Yea... ha. I think you can find all those songs (except 21) here.



I really have nothing more to say.

I voted... and I feel I've done the country a terrible injustice. I'm sorry.



Now I'll get on with my life and ignore every single person that I voted for. In another four years you'll just have to remind me what a president is again. The only reason I registered was because some dude kept telling me he'd make 10 bucks if I registered to his party... I thought I'd be a nice guy. I'm an idiot.



In case you don't know... I don't watch tv. I don't read the newspaper. I don't surf news sites. So the only time I hear that the president got a blowjob is when it's spread around the office.



After about the 800,000th murderer that became famous because of network news, I shut my tv off. The news is stupid. There is no real news. It's all network prostitution. I'm sorry, but this entire country only pretends to be upset when 200 die in a plane crash... but they don't really give a fuck. I see it on their faces. A moment of fake disbelief and then, "I need to go grocery shopping...". It doesn't effect them. In a social environment they only pretend it does... Society is a big pile of wankers.



So, in summary, I hate politics, the news, and barbara streisand. Thank you. Good night. Cleveland rocks.

Oh shit, we were all listening to Bel Biv DeVoe at work today. Oh shit, I knew all the words. Oh shit, I was totally into them...



Oh shit, I'm about to bust loose...

event list for today.



1. people are stupid. 2. woke up. 3. tried to be a criminal... but hotline sucks. or maybe that's just me. 4. did something else. i forget. 5. watched stupid people sleep. 6. watched stupid people leave. 7. listened to gin blossoms, goo goo dolls, and live in that order. 8. queued up kid a. 9. uhh... queued up ok computer. 10. uhh... queued up the bends... 10. got a random and mucho appreciated call from a friend just to tell me she loved me. aww. 11. ordered macaroni and cheese, a pepsi, a cd walkman, gillette razors and sf rush 2049 all from one place. got it in an hour. 12. uhh... got ready to eat and play sf rush... yea...


bye.

I made this song tonight really quickly:



it's a 70 second song.



It's to everyone that kills themselves thinking they're in love with someones who's not in love with them... and it has low production values... listen only if curiosity pokes you in the eye.



that's about it for now... just a cheapie.

I got more music today. The Million Dollar Hotel soundtrack. I'm halfway through it as I write this... I like it so far. It's pretty mellow... A lot of it is U2 or just Bono and the MDH band. Milla Jovavich does a track on it, which is... odd. It's a remake of Satellite of Love.



I mentioned that we're all screwed the other day. I don't really think that. I actually think it would be nice if we were all wrong about everything. That would mean we'd be free to do anything. No one can tell you what you're doing is wrong because any other way would be wrong as well... If everything was wrong there would be no expectations. Nothing to live up to. We could be content in just being. I'd live for that...



I have a huge headache. bye.