so, this is gonna be something. nothing specific. this is just my personal page. floate will just be a sort of portfolio page from now on. this will have tons of useless information about me and anything else i might want to share... like that review of bright eyes to your left... i'll add whatever else comes to my mind at any given time. and like, if other people want to review something, and put it somewhere, ask me. i'll put it here somewhere. just because.

i don't really have anything worthwhile to say right now. my sleeping patterns have been extremely fucked up lately. i've been going to bed at about 7 am every morning and waking up at around 3 or 4 in the afternoon. ugh.

oh, don't mind me or any of this. i'm just bitter because all i got for christmas was this lousy t-shirt.

christmas bites.

i finished final fantasy 9 last night...

what the fuck is up with the fact that you can always glide through an entire FF episode, until you get to the end. they always jack up the difficulty to insane levels at the end of these games. it drives me nuts. the only way to finish the game is to spend hours... no, scratch that, DAYS leveling up your characters.

and when i FINALLY beat the last bosses (always fucking BOSS*ES*) i'm way too pissed off at how hard it was to beat the fuckers to be moved by the touching endings... christ.

i remember FF3. i must've gotten through the entire game (up to the last bosses) in about 3 days. i didn't finish the game until like 3 months later. weren't there like 50 levels to that kefka fucker? it was always like, "whew, i finally beat him. i'm glad that's ov-.... uhh, what's this? i'm moving up a level? oh... i see. i only defeated his foot. now i have to defeat his kneecap. can't wait to get to his crotch."

is it right to tell your video game system you fucking hate them, over and over again. i got up to kefkas belly button or something and started to give my SNES ultimatums;

"listen, you make this stop soon, or i'm takin' your ass to the GAME X-CHANGE and trading you in for a fucking TURBOGRAPHX 16! or how would you like it if i hooked you up to the black and white? huh? fucker. i'll do it bitch."

oh, and another thing that erks me about final fantasy games is the way everything always gets wrapped up in a neat little package. like the way squall met like 12 random people... and they all just HAPPENED to grow up in the same orphanage. they just didn't remember. right...

i must've missed the side quest where rinoa "supposedly" died in a plane crash... but then came back looking completely different because she got plastic surgery. or even the one where squalls evil twin brother pretended he was squall so he could fool rinoa into loving him...

i can't think of anymore soap opera cliches... so fuck you.

what i don't get... is that... they spend millions animating these things, making them look incredibly beautiful... and then they go to the zoo and hire retarded monkeys to scribble out a story for them. not just any monkeys. retarded ones.

did you ever see that flick with matthew broderick where they trained lab monkeys to fly fighter planes? the monkeys that write final fantasy stories are way stupider than that...

and yes... i agree that some FF story elements can be touching at times... but that's obviously because a retarded monkey scribbled it onto a piece of paper. what's more sad and touching than watching a retarded monkey try to write?

... all right... the story lines aren't THAT bad. but retarded monkeys are funny (at least i imagine so). so i felt justified in carrying that further... NOT that i enjoy making fun of REAL retarded monkeys. give me a petition to sign that'll help make them... not... retarded... and i'll do it. it's just that fictional retarded monkeys are really funny. not real ones. or something...

fuck.

anyway... the stories are decent, but always full of holes. i hope the movie isn't like that. then i'll really go apeshit. heh. err... not really.

why is it that i'd be more offended if they made a bad movie plotline ($4.50 US) than if they made a bad game plotline ($49.95 US)? i must be retarded...

hey, y'know what i was just doing?

... picking my nose...

some people are seriously uhh... humor... impaired. i know you're one of them. i hate you. hahaha.

so i made a compilation cd type thing as a gift for someone. the track listing is as follows:

1. oakenfold/mchlachlan - the silence 2000

2. chantal kreviazuk - until we die

3. semisonic - gone to the movies

4. badly drawn boy - everybody's stalking

5. elliot smith - bottle up and explode

6. bright eyes - an attempt to tip the scales

7. semisonic - singing in my sleep

8. ani difranco - used cars

9. duncan sheik - little hands

10. shivaree - i don't care

11. travis - slide show

yea. and NO i will not put them up as mp3's. it's a gift for someone ELSE. wouldn't it defeat the purpose if i just distributed the songs to everyone? you'll have to search for all the songs yourself... but it won't be as good as mine. i mixed it all myself. it all blends in perfectly. haha.

so anyway... lately i've been in this weird design mood. i love the trends that are going on in design lately. they all seem to be dirty and techy all at the same time. i'm more about the dirty part...

in case you never knew, check out kioken. they seem to be taking design where they want it to go...

i want to do what i want to do. i want to take things where i want them to go. i want to take what i love and make a living at it. i love design. but only if you let me go. i hate designing "remakes" of other websites...

everyone everywhere is afraid to take things to new places. i guess it just comes down to risks. i need to start taking major fucking risks. there really isn't anything worthwhile that i could lose. so yea... i'm going somewhere with this. i just have to figure out where...

uhh... for all you non-mailinglisters, this is a new design. which you should know... unless you happen to be blind. in which case, why are you on the internet? shouldn't you be reading books with bumps on them? shouldn't you be playing with your dog? GOD! it's pointless. i can't even make fun of you. you can't see a word i've typed. damn you to hell.

also, some new things are on the horizon. i can't elaborate, because honestly, as of now, "things" is as far as my brain seems to want to take the vision. just trust me. new... things.

that elise girl is this wise old confused yet amazingly articulate soul. at 15. wow. i'm humbled.

oh, you remember the rudolf stop motion animation? the one that's on every year. you remember bumbles? the large irresistable abominable snowman? they make action figures of him now. i got one. it's amazing. it has real fur. well, it's fake... but it's just like... super cool...

go here.

I tried to join the mailing list, but listbot seems to hate me.

And pick up an album by Dar Williams. She's good. I don't have an album yet, but that's only because i haven't been to the record store... but i got like, a lot of mp3's... and they are good.

i want to scream.

I'm so... lost again. I don't understand. Christ. How cliche is it for life to confuse you. Can't it come up with something original?

There are so many people out there. I can't stand it. There are these ideas that people scoff at... and, it's true, they are a bit laughable. Like world peace, unity... all that. But isn't it sad that they are? They are because we know one another are cynical about everything. About eachother. I'm even guilty of it. My cynicism towards you breeds cynicism towards me...

Where do we stop? I don't even know. I'm truly cynical towards life and it's patrons. I have a hard time believing anything. I've become so cynical that I have a hard time believing i'll find someone. We've been told all our lives, on after school specials and by childrens literature that we can be ourselves. We can be different... and it IS true... We just can't be different and be with someone else.

I don't actually blame anyone else. I do it too. I want someone beautiful. I want someone I can talk to... and maybe there is someone out there like that. But I don't just take whatever comes along until she arrives. I've seen too much pain for that. What happens is, people fool themselves. They're afraid that their one person may never come along. So they "fall in love" with anyone. Not that anyone wouldn't be right for them. They just set up their own demise. Then they obviously get hurt. I've a feeling 99% of the world doesn't know what love is... and 99% of the world will tell you they've been in love...

We've come to know this thing, it's pseudo-love. It's like love, but not really. It's about jewelry and compliments and opening doors and kisses and sex. That's not love. that's an afterthought. That's what comes WITH love. But that's like saying, "whenever you buy a big mac and fries, you get oxygen with it..."... What? Those are things that can happen with or without love. Love is intangible. We all measure love by time and salary and common interests and clothes and hair and fucking rings... it's none of those things. You can't see it. It's just... just...

It's not even all of our faults. We're all afraid to fall in love. Into real love anyway. And just as love is a real feeling, so is fear. So it's understandable. But... real love will knock us off of our feet. Make us mad. Insane. But it will all make sense... to only us. How could it make sense to anyone else? NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS! We will miss appointments for it. Become poor for it. Run away to the sea for it...

I think there is a line. A line that we have to leap over. We can't see what's on the other side. It most certainly looks like a huge fucking cliff... but that's love. You can feel it resonating from the other side, but you'll never know how good it can really feel until you just... jump. We're not jumpers. I want to be a jumper. I want to jump. The only question: will someone jump with me?

I'm afraid the answer may be "no". I'm a bit unreliable. Who knows if they'd land safely with me? I can't blame them for being scared. I may not be worth it...

But this isn't self pity. I'm just different. I don't know if I belong here. Relating to ethan hawke in before sunrise (see below), i'm not supposed to be here, i'm just crashing the worlds big party.

But like I always say. I could be wrong. this is just what I WANT from love... i've never been known to back down from what I really want. I won't push, but i'll plead.

goodnight.

before sunrise. great GREAT movie. oh... it's just me. that movie was made for me... i don't even know what words can describe this feeling it left me with...