my website will be gone pretty soon... and there's nothing i can really do about it. unless money spontaneously sprouts from the ground.

also, a list about mally, because it seems appropriate right now:

- she wears things that on anyone else wouldn't be considered unique to them, but she manages to make it unique to her.
- she makes things. she makes things with a love and child like vigor. the things she makes are beautiful because she makes them so.
- she's loud. and goddamnit, do i love how loud she is. because she does have that spot of uninhibited joy that i think she forgets about.
- she's fun. she tries most things at least once.
- she drives with a passion. you can't say whether she drives well or not, because she loves it. that's all that matters.
- she's knowledgable but doesn't let that make her too pretentious to watch trashy movies and have fun at the mall.
- when she kisses, she kisses me completely and very dramatically. it's very passionate and exciting.
- she drinks tea and has quirks. like using tea tree oil and making countless notebooks for herself.
- she plays video games. and when she does, she does so intently. and it makes me swoon to watch.
- she likes music. she listens to music. she listens to music i suggest to her. this seems rare to me, though it might not be. but she makes it clear that she likes some of my suggestions. and that makes me happy.
- when she attempts to play an instrument, whether she has rhythm or not, her expression makes it the cutest and best thing ever.
- occasionally we have been known to make long distance fun.
- she's the most comfortable person in the world to lay next to.
- she does things that make me love her completely.

i felt like i should make this list... for me and for her. things have been rough. i hope more than anything that they get better.

????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????? @w@

i did yard work today. now i'm dirty, sweaty, achey and have a blister.

i've become a real wuss.

why does everyone want to be alone all of a sudden? there seems to be a surplus of lack of caring for anyone else in the world lately. it's so fucking sad...

so fucking sad...

i'm so confused about everything in the entire world.

i stayed up really late last night because i have a really weak stomach and i still eat really shitty food. but, i did manage to finish up working on the cheesy synth for a song i'd been doing... and when i woke up, i did a pretty decent vocal take... yeah... so... here:

big city jumpers (2.2 MB)

i suddenly feel really fucking horrible.

i woke up this morning and there was sun shining through the windows and it smelled like spring. it was totally great.

i kind of find it disturbing when people think i'm lazy. me, the same person who rode a bike 3 miles up and down a hill on an unlit highway at 9pm almost every night for two months. not to mention the 8 hours i would spend on my feet at a checkout machine after and prior to this ride.... only to come home to a basement rental only furnished with an inflatable mattress.

and as much as i sound pained by it, i don't regret it. i did it all because i love a girl... and i'm not really ashamed to admit it. you can call me a fool, but i'd follow her anywhere.

anyway, my original point was that i think people are absurd. and that maybe they should like... stop trying to find something wrong with every person they meet... because i hate that.

mally went back to school. now i'm here all alone... and i'm making things. i'm also catching all these little things that look like ladybugs (but as i've been told numerous times AREN'T) in bottles. i did a lot of things last week. and i guess i'm doing a lot of things now. but you can't know about them. they're secret.

*BOM*

mally is here for break. i've missed her very much. we did a cover of a violent femmes song.

here it is.