the thing about cities is that doing things often costs money. i mean, people like to do things that cost money. i imagine people might want to do things that cost money on new year's. hmm. this is a problem because i'm totally the guy with no money. though, there was talk of doing things in the house for a while. hmmmm.

my roommate john has been my guide to seattle for the past few weeks and now he has gone to sweden. john was like my little mommy bird, and now that he left it's totally like he just threw me out of the nest and i'm supposed to fly. it's like, "fly jacob, fly. jesus, no seriously, stop holding on to the nest. god this is ridiculous, just go. listen, i'm going to sweden for a while, you'll have to fend for yourself. watch out for wolves and owls and other such predators. bye. i'm going. seriously. bye."

h... eh. i'm actually doing well. i just don't have a lot of money stuffs. maybe i will get some someday.

i got a george foreman grill for christmas. also, mal called me from canadia.

seattle is still a nice place.

okay so, i guess i drove to seattle and am living there now. i am in the "international district" - which is really just the asian district with one mexican restaurant somewhere in the middle. i like it a lot so far.

my room is large. very large. absurdly large. my roommates are nice. i've been playing a lot of mario sunshine and metroid prime.

seattle is a nice place to exist.

sigh. there is a problem with driving to seattle. always a problem. nothing is ever easy.

i keep saying that we need jetson's tubes set up all over the country, but it never happens. who's in charge of this shit?

i just want to get out of here. this place is like a goddamn flytrap.

i feel really weird about writing things lately. like, really strange and unjustified. i also seem to be worried about things and what i write and say. i always feel like i'm saying something wrong or bad or i don't have any sort of tact or whatever.

whatever. i don't really have much to say - which is sort of interesting and probably makes my decision to make delerium one-post-at-a-time again a mistake. i mean, that would be the case if i cared at all! hahaa ah/.,

i'll be driving up to seattle in a few days all by myself with a car full of things. my mom seems to think that i'll freeze to death somewhere along the way, but i think i might get killed by a murdering murderer instead.

hahahahaaha there is a movie called pursuit of happiness that is on that plays like someone stole the story of my life and took creative liberties and made up a happy ending part hahaha ha.

music: gordon gano has a new cd out and he's not violent femmes but just gordon gano but it's funny because he only sings one or two tracks on the album. pj harvey sings on the first track and jesus, she totally sounds just like gordon.

also, i mean, so, like, okay, like, this group - shivaree. it always seems like i'm the only one who likes them or at least likes them a lot. ambrosia parsley could get me to do anything in the world if she would just sing her request to me, like, seriously. they have a new cd out called "rough dreams" and they have an earlier one called "i ought to give you a shot in the head for making me live in this dump" (my copy was stolen :[ ). i don't know if it's just her voice that i love, but listening to it seems to make me really calm and happy.

i feel really weird and socially inadequate.

i saw a three hour documentary on john cassavettes today - which i don't even remember the name of. i'm so addicted to watching documentaries about filmmakers. i would like to do that stuff - that filmmaking stuff. i want to yell at actors and say "what are you doing?? acting?? stop ACTING!!! not on MY SET!!! what's your motivation?? TO GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE!!! because i will KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T SHOW ME SOMETHING SPECTACULAR RIGHT NOW!!!"

i want to do that.

i don't ever know what i'm saying, really. it's like this big string that's been pulled out from my back and is slowly reeling itself back in. i only get one shot.

that was just way too much.

things are going well. i'm happy to be talking again. so happy. the pit stop ends soon.

when i see a profile whose list of ambitions reads "make as many friends as possible" it tends to scare me. in this situation, it's easy to see how 'friends' are not unlike cocktail weenies. and you could say "eat as many cocktail weenies as i can in under 5 minutes" as if it were a bet. do you see the problem here? you don't care about any of those cocktail weenies. you don't give any of them special attention. you stuff as many as you can in your mouth at one time and quite possibly throw them up later.

do you see?? seeee????