ok, so, basically, to quell the overwhelming public demand to know what i totally did for christmas: i didn't do anything. i mean, really, at all. i stayed in at my apartment by myself and played some video games and did a little work and that was about it. this is kind of what i have to say to people when they ask me what i did for christmas. and they always look at me and frown and pat me on the back or reach in their pockets to give me a million dollars or something. but it wasn't that bad. it was kind of nice.

i was going to say that everyone in the world left seattle on christmas, but that's just totally ridiculous. everyone in the world would have to have been in seattle before christmas for them to leave on christmas. i mean, i know that all those other kids who grew up here and went off to other states to live their brand new lives came back here and were like, "i hate washington, (insert state) is so technologically advanced with their flying cars and falafels whose yogurt sauce doesn't drip all over your hands." or, " i hate (insert state). they don't even have bums or rain or an ocean or robocops. i miss home where my parents bought me everything. WTF."

and that's total bullshit.

but, anyway, everyone that i knew left and there were obviously still other people here who i didn't know. so, it's not like i was antisocial or anything. it was more like my own play version of a very mild, localized nuclear fallout or something.

so, i got a hand made card from my mom and it included 40 dollars. that was nice. my mom made a nice card.

that's it really. with that $40 i bought a vanilla candle, two soft pink colored light bulbs, blank cds and some dove soap, because, okay, i love the fact that our bathroom smells like an irish spring, but that shit totally dries out my skin something awful. something totally awful. i have sensitive skin. i'm very delicate and i need a certain type of soap. and moisturizing lotions. and soft little fluffy towels. and big warm down comforters with flower print patterns on the cover.

cough.

i don't know what my thing is with weird portraits of anonymous fictional people, but it cerainly is my thing.

wait, i actually do know what my thing is with it. oh yeah.

courtney let me use his old scanner, so now it will hopefully motivate me to draw more. or maybe just to make hundreds of close up scans of the bottom of my feet.

i bought acrylic paints this weekend and i plan on using them on cutout cardboard pieces and putting them up on my wall. for whatever reason. i honestly don't know much about acrylic paints, but how hard can it be, really???

i also wrote most of a song this weekend. and all of my recording things are set up. hopefully i get to put them to good use soon!!

also, wow, in between feeling weird and working a whole lot, i.;awd 32r j. root beer.

safeway is a battleground. with the stereotyping homeless punks or the creepy kids who want us to buy them alcohol or the frat kids who randomly yell out at us, "i hate you guys!" or, "you guys suck!" i'm starting to think there is this tiny U-district war going on all the time and we're caught in the middle. did we do something? i was under the impression that we basically stayed out of everyone's bullshit and kept to ourselves?? i can only imagine that we are probably somehow unwittingly famous in the U-district? i mean, for someone we don't know to take the time to roll down their window and yell out of a moving vehicle that they hate us, we would have had to affect them somehow?!?! who does that!?!

i kind of hate to stereotype here, but maybe it's just because frat kids have this part of their brain that acts seperate from their consciousness, like a little parasitic alien with tourettes and... oh wait!! what if they have tourettes!!?>!!? wow. a real live tourettes boy in our neighborhood. though, i think all these frat kids must have some form of tourettes - whenever we walk by any of their houses, they yell back whatever sounds we happen to make. but they sound more like dying giraffes.

anyway, at least the homeless punk kids only stereotyped us as strokes fans. i kind of don't really like the strokes, but it's better than being stereotyped as creed or lifehouse fans.

sometimes no wave is just really retarded.

hey, so, mal's big book came out here yesterday. it is seriously good. i'm not even saying that just because he put my name in it. i haven't actually bought the book yet because i'm poor until monday. but i read the whole script a while ago and it was really good. rey bought a copy but i sort of refused to read it until i got my own copy.

i was listening to the weakerthans on the bus today and that song they have that is from the perspective of a cat came up and i thought about Lost At Sea and probably kind of giggled.

you should buy it. and not because i said so. because it's totally amazing. it kind of sucks when your friend does something really great and you try to tell people to get it and they think you're just saying it because he's totally your friend. that's why i decided to hate him for just today. so like, see? i totally hate him but i would still buy this book.

oh my god. i went to see david dondero/azure ray/crooked fingers last night. who knew?? who knew indeed. they were great and this show was far more intimate than the last time i saw azure ray. orenda was sick and i totally told her to pass out because it would have been awesome. crooked fingers also puts on a really good show and the azure ray girls filled in for most of the songs and i realized later that the guys from crooked fingers filled in for most of the azure ray set. one guy jumped all around the stage during the crooked fingers set and played a lap pedal steel or whatever. i want one of those. also, maria did that thing where she played all the instruments again. though, i sort of realized that it was just three: guitar, bass and trumpet. unless you count the roland DJ as an instrument.

also, inexplicably, restaurant girl was there. if you were keeping track, i asked if i could accidentally meet her somewhere else and it seems that i totally did. she seriously gave me her phone number and we made some sort of vague tentative plans to hang out. though, she is leaving to go to art school in SF (of all places) in a month. SO WHATEVER. i would mention her name but i don't trust any of you!

by the way, i'm probably never talking about what you think i'm talking about anymore.

but no, i suppose i'll be less vague. though, it obviously goes against my nature. i sort of asked a girl out on sunday. she worked at a restaurant on the ave. she was very pretty and nice and she had red hair instead of the black i mistook it for when i asked one of the other waiters her name. she said something about it being a rule that she didn't date people she met at work and i asked her if i could accidentally meet her somewhere else and she genuinely laughed (because the delivery was funnier than it seems in this post) and said that, yes, i totally could. though, i think she was just being nice - which we've already established she is - and she didn't use the word 'totally'. but, wait, anyway. it's not that i haven't asked other people out, it's just that this was the first time anyone actually said 'date' in reference to hanging out with me and then subsequently kind of said no. i always ask to hang out as opposed to going on dates because i am far too shy to be so blunt or imposing. as it were.

but yeah, i mean, she was very nice about it all. and i find it hard to be too depressed about these things lately because it's understandable and i've done the same thing to other people. i just don't seem to be any good at picking and choosing. proffesional superb quality matchmakers would make the world an easier place. probably not as exciting. but easier. though, it begs the question: why does cupid totally suck at his one and only job?

honestly, this has been a very strange week.

the thing is: yes, no one can ever really say that i didn't try - because i did. but i suppose it is fair to say that maybe i was very picky in what i did try. though, is it fair if the things i did try made me very nervous and scared and i did them anyway and even though i have been semi-rejected* fairly consistently, i can still die and know that i tried? that could all possibly be bullshit. i mean, i think it is. but who really cares? don't these things only really matter when you are old and on your deathbed and in a movie, giving your dear beloved protagonist the meaning of life through a hacking cough and oxygen mask? yes. but, seriously, we are owed that cinematic life by hundreds of dead producers and i, for one, will not be ashamed to foolishly take it. because being foolish is another part of that cinematic story moral that needs to be ours. if not for anything else than because life is totally senseless already and any sense you give it is arbitrary and totally revocable, no matter what anyone says. in this ridiculous life, the only thing that's right is what you believe in. and i think i love that belief is so wonderfully ephemeral.

*being rejected is very vague these days. mainly because they are so polite and nice and i can't figure out if it is better to be rejected on a technicality that leaves you wondering if maybe you wouldn't have been rejected if the immediate situation was different or if they just told me to fuck off. the latter breeds closure while the former breeds at least a little self-assurance and optimism. HMM.

no, but seriously: not really.

oh my god. i'm totally tired and delirious. nothing i have said today makes any sort of logical sense. work, you have drained me of my will to accesorize! i am so plain today!

also, people, stop having opinions. for the good of humanity. i have decided that everyone's opinions are wrong. go ahead and have opinions, but you are totally wrong. about all of it! your favorite music all totally sucks and that guy, camus, he was a total idiot unless you already think that. theory is totally not confusing at all unless you get it. or, unless you THINK you get it, because you're WRONG! being pretentious is really cool unless you are pretentious. everyone is totally smarter and/or stupider than you think. you are totally wrong. so stop it!

but, right now, i think that neva dinova are totally awesome. and so are metric. they are my current favorite musicians. so bugger on you, you goddamn cynics.