last night i went to a very lame party in a very small apartment with a lot of people in it. whenever our group goes anywhere, wherever we sit, the crowd disbands. i used the allegory of oil hitting a shallow pan full of water during the party and i'm sure that served to perpetuate the avoidance. but, i think i'm sort of proud of our little group. maybe we look intimidating, but when people come and talk to us and make an effort, we are very inviting and friendly and goddamnit, people like us. or they hate us. i mean, they probably really really hate us. but i'm sure it's all jealousy or whatever.

after the party is when the self-deprecation/self-pity debacle happened, obviously.

a while back, someone asked me if i was 'eno' and i was really perplexed and they explained it as 'emo' but they listen to 80's music and they have bangs and they like brian eno a lot. i like brian eno and i do listen to 80's music and i have bangs, but it just seemed like a really narrow description of me.

i have some sort of inherent distaste for all subcultures. like, all of them. ever. i mean, i think i like what came out of them (design, music and art), but i totally hate the segregation and lame eliteness of all of them. subcultures are totally like religion in that i bet they believe that their cool is best and will get them to cool heaven and everyone else will go to poseur hell.

besides, everyone should know by now that my subculture is 'fabulous' and to be in it you have to be me and i'm the only one that will get into cool heaven. fuck you guys!