[note added november 6, 2002: wow, okay, please don't hold this against me. i certainly don't feel this way now and haven't for a long while. it wasn't long after i made this post that i realized how bad it was. i like girls. i'm not bitter with them. like i said in the comments, i was mostly bitter with being consistently rejected. anyway, disregard any generalization i make about any women in this post. please.]

I was talking to a friend the other day and he said that I have some sort of bitterness towards women right now... and I realized that, yes, I do in fact have bitterness towards women. I guess it's not really fair to have a general bitterness towards all women... I think it's just LA girls. Women here all want to be fooled. They want to find a guy that dresses nice and talks smooth. Or they want the guy that's mysterious and dark. They want the extraordinary. I don't do that. I dress like a beach bum and I talk like a 21 year old kid. I'm really normal. I can be boring sometimes... and fuck you, I won't stop.



I know all these guys who women think are perfect. When we hang out they wear sweats and and look at pictures of beautiful women all day. We call women crazy because they are, in fact, crazy. Oh, and we fart too. A lot. I don't know these superhuman guys women are looking for. They don't exist. Which is a good thing. If they'd only stop to think about it. Humans are attracted to humans, not superheros. All guys are normal, and can be boring... it's bound to happen.



They hate that. They want to be fooled. They want a guy who'll talk a whole load of bullshit in their ear and tell them that they're the most incredible woman they've ever met... gimme a break.



The biggest thing about the human population that pisses me off is that they confuse being miserable with being in love. Like suffering with someone else means "I love you"... Hello? Can I shoot you? Or even the unspoken belief that time measures love. Well, if you're together for 6 months you must be in love. That's just the way it works, right? Good lord. I hate people.



And don't think I'm trying to save anyone. I only mention it because I deal with it every fucking day. It gets in the way of my life. Does that sound selfish? Does hating having to sit through fight after fight between two people about things that have nothing to do with me sound selfish? I'm trying to live here. Sometimes I just wish people would stay the fuck away from me.



Life is just one big catch 22. I'd like to have people around. I'd like to have some sort of communication. But not bullshit communication. No more of this trying to impress everyone. I'm an idiot! I'd just like you to know that before you meet me. I know you're an idiot too. Don't try to fool me. I won't expect more if you don't.



You can't always get what you want. The Stones were right I guess. But I never play the ball as it lies. I have to move it. I can't just accept anything. Nothing ever has to be the way they say it does. "C'est la vie"... fuck that.



But all of this is probably the reason I'm sitting here alone on Thanksgiving. I'm too abrasive. Too independent. Too quiet. Well, I don't want any of you anyway.



I want to go away. Someone give me a job in antarctica please. I don't fit in here.