i finished final fantasy 9 last night...

what the fuck is up with the fact that you can always glide through an entire FF episode, until you get to the end. they always jack up the difficulty to insane levels at the end of these games. it drives me nuts. the only way to finish the game is to spend hours... no, scratch that, DAYS leveling up your characters.

and when i FINALLY beat the last bosses (always fucking BOSS*ES*) i'm way too pissed off at how hard it was to beat the fuckers to be moved by the touching endings... christ.

i remember FF3. i must've gotten through the entire game (up to the last bosses) in about 3 days. i didn't finish the game until like 3 months later. weren't there like 50 levels to that kefka fucker? it was always like, "whew, i finally beat him. i'm glad that's ov-.... uhh, what's this? i'm moving up a level? oh... i see. i only defeated his foot. now i have to defeat his kneecap. can't wait to get to his crotch."

is it right to tell your video game system you fucking hate them, over and over again. i got up to kefkas belly button or something and started to give my SNES ultimatums;

"listen, you make this stop soon, or i'm takin' your ass to the GAME X-CHANGE and trading you in for a fucking TURBOGRAPHX 16! or how would you like it if i hooked you up to the black and white? huh? fucker. i'll do it bitch."

oh, and another thing that erks me about final fantasy games is the way everything always gets wrapped up in a neat little package. like the way squall met like 12 random people... and they all just HAPPENED to grow up in the same orphanage. they just didn't remember. right...

i must've missed the side quest where rinoa "supposedly" died in a plane crash... but then came back looking completely different because she got plastic surgery. or even the one where squalls evil twin brother pretended he was squall so he could fool rinoa into loving him...

i can't think of anymore soap opera cliches... so fuck you.

what i don't get... is that... they spend millions animating these things, making them look incredibly beautiful... and then they go to the zoo and hire retarded monkeys to scribble out a story for them. not just any monkeys. retarded ones.

did you ever see that flick with matthew broderick where they trained lab monkeys to fly fighter planes? the monkeys that write final fantasy stories are way stupider than that...

and yes... i agree that some FF story elements can be touching at times... but that's obviously because a retarded monkey scribbled it onto a piece of paper. what's more sad and touching than watching a retarded monkey try to write?

... all right... the story lines aren't THAT bad. but retarded monkeys are funny (at least i imagine so). so i felt justified in carrying that further... NOT that i enjoy making fun of REAL retarded monkeys. give me a petition to sign that'll help make them... not... retarded... and i'll do it. it's just that fictional retarded monkeys are really funny. not real ones. or something...

fuck.

anyway... the stories are decent, but always full of holes. i hope the movie isn't like that. then i'll really go apeshit. heh. err... not really.

why is it that i'd be more offended if they made a bad movie plotline ($4.50 US) than if they made a bad game plotline ($49.95 US)? i must be retarded...