dude, new years bites...

not really. i just know that's what you expected me to say.

i was actually in the process of doing absolutely nothing at about 10:00 last night. then my friend that lives like a billion miles away from me called and said she was only an hour away. she drove to get me and on the way back to her brothers dorm room (trust me) the new year passed while on the freeway. actually it passed in anaheim while we were circling disneyland(read: lost). then she kissed me because we're friends like that.

i'm always shocked and amazed by my life when friends call from out of the blue just because they want to spend time with ME. especially when that time only comes once every 365 days...

she took me to this strange place where college students live. student housing. it reminded me of summer camp... except with a lot more puking... no wait, the puking was just about the same. i just don't think we had as much alchohol in summer camp...

... err... okay... so it was exactly like summer camp...

college kids are funny. not in a bad way. it's just that they love to spout off names of people who write books. not just books. long, old, hard-to-pronounce books.

some guy came up and started talking to me and my friend. let's call him scott, because that was his name. scott was a philosophy major. every ten seconds a new author would pour from his wine drenched lips. i think i recognized one name he threw out, and that was like the obvious dante. all the other names were gibberish to me. but as we got to talking about the ideas behind these names, i started to realize... i'm a philosophy major at heart.

i guess a major theme behind philosophy is to question EVERYTHING. well, there's no shortage of that in my repertoire... and then... uhh...

what was i saying? something about philosophy. i dunno. it's 9:16 in the a.m. and i haven't actually slept yet. so i don't feel it neccesary to reread what i just wrote to remember what i was just writing... so i'll just go on to what i KNOW all of you want hear anyway...

SEX...

just kidding. but there were pretty girls there. pretty college girls at that. college girls are so cute. if they weren't all totally wasted and tired, i might've asked one of them if they'd like to go for a walk and look at the sky with me. they'd probably laugh at that incredibly cheesy line, and i'd probably go sulk in the corner because it really wasn't a line.

but of course, i would never even do that. i'm a nervous wreck around pretty girls. i shake, my heart feels like it'll explode. it's hard to be suave when you can't even talk with your mouth so dry and all. i don't get it at all actually. out of everything in the world that could frighten me; heights, aliens, haunted houses, cher... pretty girls are the only thing that terrify me. and it's so heartbreaking, because i'm incredibly attracted to girls. i think they're swell.

i like kissing girls, i like hugging girls, i like the smell of girls, i love running my fingers through girly hair... i used to be fine with them. somewhere along the way i just went insane. now i can only look at them and wish i could get close enough without going into an epileptic seizure...

... it's not really that bad. it's just easier to be really dramatic about things. i do get a little nervous. only because i haven't dated in about 2 years. that must mean i'm ugly, right? or maybe i'm not ugly, but i'm just a loser...

or maybe i was all bitter with girls for a long time so i didn't think they were worth the effort...

but i guess i was wrong. they are worth the effort. something about the guava smell in their hair as they lay in your arms... that's worth something.

i guess now would be a good time to recognize the fact that i'm rambling. and i'm damn proud. good night... err... morning.