i went to this open mic night in melrose. a place called "highland grounds." i waited 4 hours to play. by that time, everyone had left. my back hurts. i played a new song that should be on mp3.com soon. it was called "not a love song, i promise." my guitar was even more horribly out of tune than it was in the recording for mp3.com. and to top it all off, every single person there were like, amazing guitar players. unlike me. i feel low.

i felt like such a punk kid in that place. guitar strings all a mess, guitar majorly out of tune... there was one girl who i thought was fucking amazing. i don't remember her name though. she was asian. she ripped out my heart, kissed it and put it back in place. she didn't even know it.

i don't do well in PA environements. i admit it. i have zero experience with live mics. and with acoustic pickups for that matter. i love singing in circles of people. small groups. i'm simple. i don't create elaborate guitar riffs. the only thing i hope you're actually listening to are my lyrics. those are what i mean.

so i'm bad at live performances. i'm a pretty shy bastard as well. i'm not really a musician. i guess i'm closer to a poet that likes to put a melody to his poems. more like prose i guess. but i have a tendency to badly tune my guitar.

i'm like this introverted guy who beats himself over the head to experience extroversion. there's something to that i guess. i have something to say. something even deeper than a million songs about girls. you just have to listen to all those songs. like, actually listen.

oh yea, this chick was there. she... like... tore up the fucking floor. girls who can play the guitar that well should be illegal. haha. not really.

fuck.

all in all i was happy to play. whether badly or not. my friend was there so i wasn't completely alone to wither in my mediocrity.

the funny thing is... i'm supposed to be a fucking designer. like web pages and shit. they told me it was my proffesion. i'm GOOD at that. i'm never happy with anything. i'm such an asshole...

and i'll keep writing songs. even if they are all terribly out of tune. and maybe i'll learn how to tune my guitar along the way... but probably not.

so... i should probably plan on finding another place where i can play badly. haha.