in my dream, she confessed her love. and i was shocked and i could sense right away that she was probably lying, or at least lying to herself. there was this hard gleam in her eye, something that instinctively scared me.

we made out for an hour anyway.

"you'll take care of it, right?" she said, later. she was talking about the fact that she had a boyfriend and she hadn't done anything about it. she wanted me to tell him that she was leaving him for me.

this is a dream, there was other shit, like she was secretly a transforming robot fighter, but this part sticks in my mind. it was important. it shocked me and that gleam in her eye was still there.

"you'll take care of it, right?"

i said i would take care of it.

i was probably lying.

inside i was thinking that the kissing was nice, but that it wasn't going to stop me from leaving in a few days.

later, things started setting on fire. there were accidents. it was a dangerous time.

i woke up this morning feeling sick. i spent half an hour on the toilet. then i went back to bed and had this dream, in the middle of a mess of other dreams. i woke up feeling sick again some time later, but i remembered this part clearly because it's important to me.

i made up a story like this about a year ago. a story about a guy named Mark who plays bass guitar and who's going away to the big city to try and make it big with his band. a few weeks before he leaves, he runs into a girl that he used to know in high school, this girl named Andrea. he's been in love with her as long as he's known her, for no reason that he can really determine.

they hang out and talk, and he tells her he's going soon. then, the night before he leaves, she calls him up and begs him to come over. when he gets there, she says she's in love with him and throws herself at him.

problem is, she's lying. she doesn't find him attractive and she can barely tolerate him as a friend. the truth is she sucks balls at interpersonal relationships and has basically run out of friends at this point in her life. and she's stuck in the same rut, with her shit job at the grocery store, while he's getting away. this is something she can't handle.

anyway, it's probably not the greatest story ever, and there's a little more to it, but the basic germ is: if you were leaving to follow your dreams, what's the one thing that would make you reconsider?

a girl who's perfect, like jacob was saying.

but she's not perfect. we all know that. in the story, just like in my dream, Mark realizes it right away: his perfect dream girl is probably lying. this can't possibly be real.

maybe it's a bad psychological thing on my part, maybe i just can't imagine anything so beautiful being pure and real and everything.

i dream about it all the time, though.