speaking of mp3.com: what's up with all the people that send fake fanmails? the ones that go, "I listened to your song and liked it!! now listen to mine!!!"

it's bad enough that no one has ever sent me a mail saying they liked a specific song of mine (always "your song!!"), but they always want me to listen to their mp3.com radio station all day long also. i've a feeling these people just mass e-mail mp3.com artists. there's one guy who i just got a mail from. he said he really liked my song and that i should listen to his.

"you'll like it, i promise!!!"

thanks a lot dude. you sent me a carbon copy of that same e-mail two months ago. and i listened to that song... it was ok. not amazing. i wouldn't stick it on a radio station and play it on repeat all day long just so you can get some "payback for playback"...

just to get it out in the open, i'm the last person you want to co-op with to get payback. did you see the payback numbers on my site? $0.00. and i'm fucking PROUD of it. if i could get paid with food and a place to live just for playing music, i'd do it... same with drawing and designing and programming and... and... playing video games...

me and my friend ron had this big discussion about how you have to sell out a little bit just to get to a place where you can finally do whatever you want creatively. that was his stance anyway. i still disagree and, sadly, cannot say exactly why. i mainly can't articulate why because i almost agree with him. in a painful way. i guess my biggest concern is ending up like i did at Universal...

it was Universal... i made a lot of money at a really big company... doing what i didn't want to be doing. i mean, it was a childhood goal to work at a place like that... but it was really all diluted childhood goals. the job sucked, but it looked good on my resume.

i mean, i don't WANT to become a big famous MTV musician. i've seen that "making the video" show. i don't want to make stupid videos like those. i don't even want to BE in videos for my songs. i just wanna make crazy ass Paranoid Android type videos. those big name music labels rape you. they MAKE you do shit. you sign a contract, they give you money, and you're bound to do what they say...

luckily, no big label would ever sign me. i don't make kroq music. but that's what that conversation me and my friend had was about. changing the way you sound just so a big label would sign you.

here's the formula ron layed out (in so many words):

1. create a mainstream sound that everyone wants to hear.
2. get signed. cater to the big wigs for awhile.
3. when the third or fourth contract album comes around, do it the way you want it...

but, no. that can't always work. i've heard of musicians getting sued by the labels because they "changed directions." it was "not an accurate representation of the band they signed"...

i could go on about this forever and ever. i have this bad habit of being on both sides of an argument. i'm right, but then there's a reason i'm wrong, but then yes, i'm still right... but not. it's terrible, really.

the point is: i want to make music for a lot of people, but done my way. saying what i want to say. i want the ears, but i don't want the cash that's in their wallets... but i still have to wake up everyday and EAT, though. living under a roof is nice, too. walking around with clothes on is cool also...