have you ever kissed a man? i have...

it was... wait wait. sorry, wrong story.

i've decided that my life isn't interesting enough, so i'm just going to be making up everything from now on... just pretend like i never said that and everyone will be happy.

so, i went to a communist gathering of sorts today. communist gatherings are so funny. you just know most of the people there really aren't communists. they're just there because it's the trendy thing to do. fucking pseudocommies.

so, anyway, i'm sitting at the giant sickle table... the flag thing... you know... anyway, i'm sitting over there and helga comes up to me and she's like, "the turkey flies at midnight."

and i mean, on any other night, i'd be like "fuck yeah, the turkey flies at midnight!" but i just wasn't really in the mood for her KGB shennanigans tonight. it just wasn't happening. i was up drinking whiskey and playing sonic the hedgehog until about 5 am the night before. my head was about to split.

but, she just kept on: "my hair smells like cellophane" and "canines are fun to give aenimas to."

i was just like, "whatever, bitch!"

and she got all pissed off. pfft. god i hate those whiny KGB agents.

so, she says, "bob... i know that you know 'whatever, bitch!' ISN'T the codeword. jesus bob... you're a sucky communist."

... what THE FUCK is that? i'm a sucky communist? BITCH!

anyway, she gave me that scary ass look that old russian ladies give (you know the one) and i suddenly lost all control of my bowels. it was weird, i know. it's never happened before. seriously.

so, i just decided to go back to my mansion and play with my kitties.

sorry, i'm sure this wasn't that great of a communist story. i don't know much about communism. i'll try harder next time...