to all of them:

#1
if i'm ever resentful, it's of him, not you. he was always better, faster, stronger, nicer, more attractive. in grade school they even told me he was better at DRAWING. he didn't even exist. he was just some idea of perfection. now you're marrying him. i forget what it was like to want you, though, so i think i'll get by.

#2
i don't know if it'll work. i don't know if anything will. but i'm sure you'll find some kind of success, somehow. you'll channel that sick and crazy energy somewhere. it probably won't be into a dude. and it could never have been me. and that's ok. sorry for anything i ever did that fucked your shit up any.

#3
i think you'll find happiness. if it's at all psychologically possible for you to find happiness, well, you may already be a winner. i don't know if you deserve it, but he sure does. he's a good worker and he honestly means well, all the time, i think. and he's deserved every other good thing that's come his way. and maybe with him on your team, you'll start deserving stuff too. i hope you do great together, and i'm sorry for being... i dunno, volatile, i guess. i think i did ok, considering.

#4
i still don't know what to say. maybe nothing. maybe it'll happen one day. maybe it was nothing all along. i'm just sorry for being such an asshole. you already apologized, and it could have even been sincere, and that's more than i can say for most people.

#5
i don't even know who you are. you never had to know me, and you're probably better off that way. you were just an idea, an incarnation of greatness. an excuse to feel great, and to feel sorry for myself. and maybe that's what all the others were, too, and i just didn't know because i was too close to them. maybe that's all it ever is. maybe that's all you get, and i should be happy with that. or at least content. i don't know. i don't know anything. i know you all got on with your lives without even a hiccup, but i'm kind of caught up, here. i've been stuck on something for a long time, and it's usually been one of you. i don't know. i'm probably just making an emo mountain out of a meaningless molehill.

i never deserved any of you. so it's just and right that i never got any of you. i've never worked for anything in my life.