i feel really weird and socially inadequate.

i saw a three hour documentary on john cassavettes today - which i don't even remember the name of. i'm so addicted to watching documentaries about filmmakers. i would like to do that stuff - that filmmaking stuff. i want to yell at actors and say "what are you doing?? acting?? stop ACTING!!! not on MY SET!!! what's your motivation?? TO GET OUT OF THIS ALIVE!!! because i will KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T SHOW ME SOMETHING SPECTACULAR RIGHT NOW!!!"

i want to do that.