i seem to be stuck in this odd city rut that held me in burbank. i'm not so hopeless or desperate anymore, so i suppose it isn't so similiar...

meeting people is weird and meeting girls is especially weird. i'm very cynical whenever i go out and never have any sort of agenda. i can't really afford to. but, occasionally i see someone that looks interesting or interested (because, somehow, someone being interested in me, at this point, is attractive). it never fails, however, that these girls always a) have a "serious" boyfriend or b) are gay. there is never another reason. part of me even wonders if the girls who have boyfriends are actually gay, but getting into this would just thrust us into an analyzation of something and i really don't have the energy.

all of this is rare, i suppose, because i'm not "looking" or anything. it's just this occasional annoying frustration (with myself or whatever??) and if i were looking, these are the things i would have to deal with.

i just can't read people well enough. i mean, i never could. i don't get, like, things.

i'm also so different lately in that everything i write comes with an element of paranoia. i write it anyway or sing it anyway, but i'm somehow always worried now. i don't think i was so worried in burbank. i was hopeless and desperate, but not worried. if that makes any sense.

but, one thing that remains consistent is that these blogs always make it sound like everything is devastatingly miserable. it is not. my roommates are great. seattle is nice. maybe there are things that never seem to turn out like i want them to, but that's nothing new.